I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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