Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
