oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
