Whod you bang
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
