Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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