My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
