I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She made me pour olive oil on her.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
