I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
