I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
