@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
