you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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