we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
