Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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