dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
