So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
