dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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