Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
