My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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