i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
