What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
