His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
