Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
