and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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