i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
