i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
