I heard we made out
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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