my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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