i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
