and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
