my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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