If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
