3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
