i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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