The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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