I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
