that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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