Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
