it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
