Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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