i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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