Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
