Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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