Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
