she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
wow bdsm is so cute
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
