I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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