I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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