remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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