1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
