i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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