the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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