so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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