Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize