I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
