So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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